FINDING NÁMO
Overall rating: yellow/orange
Category: slash (two male Elves in love), romance, drama, ANGST, h/c, humour.
Pairings: Erestor/Glorfindel, Orophin/Elladan, Elrohir/Námo, Elrond/Gil-galad, Gil-galad/Amaris, Celeborn/Melpomaen, Haldir/Rabbit, Rúmil/Galadriel and more
Warnings: mpreg, Angst - and we have scruffy Legolas, if this needs a warning.
Beta: Miss Eveiya
Summary: "Finding Námo" is the sequel to "The Knave", and I recommend that you read "The Knave" and "The Tw-Elf Days of Yule" first, otherwise some aspects of this story will be confusing.
Author's notes: my dear readers, please do not get over-excited upon seeing the "R" rating. There are no steamy love scenes in this chapter, but more details on Master Erestor's anatomy than you ever wanted to know. I hope you will forgive me the lack of "velvety lengths" and "excited elfhoods". I cannot help it - I am boring. My apologies also for the shorter-than-usual-chapter - it was very difficult to write, and instead of keeping you waiting, I decided to split the chapter in two and post one part now.
Beta read by Eveiya, who was at least spared diagrams and charts. Special thanks to Rattie and Kharessa for their input.
Eveiya: And who says I’d object to diagrams and charts?
CHAPTER 9
Erestor lost consciousness before Glorfindel's blade drove into the ground beside him. The warrior let go of the weapon, and in an irritated gesture, he pushed his hair back from his face. Glorfindel looked down at the still figure – Erestor was pale as death, his eyes vacant, and the bulge of his stomach was a bizarre contrast to his otherwise overly lean body. The black hair looked dull, and the wound he had inflicted on the advisor's shoulder was bleeding again.
"Cursed be your name – why could I not do it?" Glorfindel groaned, and he looked very tired all of a sudden – tired and devastated.
"You could not do it because, amazingly enough, there seems to be some sense left in the pumpkin you carry around on your neck," Nonfindel growled when his heart decided to continue beating and he rushed to Erestor's side. He rolled up his cloak and put it under Erestor's head, then splashed some water from his water skin over the other Elf's face. Erestor groaned, and woke up.
"Are you feeling better?"
It took a while for Erestor to realize where he was and what had happened. He was alive - and he felt the child stir erratically. Erestor let out a sigh of relief – the Elfling was alive.
"Yes. Give me a few minutes rest and we can continue our journey."
Nonfindel slapped his forehead.
"Continue? It this state? What are you – insane? The years you have spent with this lunatic here have obviously affected your mind. We will spend the night here, so you can recover. And do not even think about gainsaying. You are injured, he is an idiot, so leadership naturally falls to me. This aside I always dreamt of bossing Glorfindel around."
Nonfindel prepared the bedrolls, then he helped Erestor to lie down. Once the advisor was comfortable, he applied a new bandage to the wound on his shoulder, then he began to collect firewood.
Glorfindel, though untied, did not attempt to run away. Instead, he crouched down in the shadow of a large oak and followed the conversation. He was confused, his head hurt, and he was angry. Angry with himself. Angry for not keeping his promise. Angry for not being able to kill Erestor.
Nonfindel returned with his arms full of wood and began to make a fire, all the while chattering without a break. Erestor did not listen to his words, but he was grateful for the distraction. He could feel Glorfindel's eyes on him, and his heart got heavy with sorrow.
"Forgive me, but this is most fascinating. How does it work?"
"Work?" Erestor asked, not quite following the way Nonfindel's mind jumped from one subject to another.
"The Elfling. You. Being pregnant. How is this possible?"
Erestor's frowned.
"This is not the time to educate you on Plains Elves anatomy."
"No need to get your feathers ruffled, Erestor. I suppose you have female parts as well?"
"I would be most grateful if you would stop discussing my parts in public," Erestor growled, blushing crimson, but Nonfindel only grinned.
"Oh, come on – what public? There is no public here. Just you, me and Glorfindel, and he has seen your parts before, I suppose."
A snort could be heard from the direction of the tree Glorfindel sat under.
"I so knew he would not be able to leave my statement uncommented," Nonfindel said, turning around to roll his eyes at his brother. "But I must say I am most surprised. He was never very forgiving of those who were not like him, or who did not live up to his standards. I remember well how he and Ecthelion spent many hours sitting on the steps of the fountain on the market square, criticising those who passed by, and in rather unkind words."
Erestor looked over to Glorfindel, then he shook his head.
"This does not sound at all like my husband."
"But it sounds a lot like my brother. So he accepted you the way you are? Without any reservation?"
Erestor lay back on the bedroll and gazed up into the starlit sky. His thoughts wandered back to the last night of the Annual Conference of the Elven Realms - the night he and Fin had become lovers...
* * *
Flashback Erestor
Fin's method of getting Erestor out of his robes was not very elegant, but was most effective. He didn't lose any time unbuttoning the advisor's shirt, he simply ripped the buttons off. Too long had he been patient, centuries, no, ages, and now that he had Erestor finally in his bed, he would not waste a moment on buttons and buckles and belts.
Glorfindel's pace was a little too fast for Erestor, who was still trying to believe that this was really happening, that it was not a dream and that he was about to make love with Fin. It was strange - he should be an eager and willing participant here, but he felt more like a bystander, watching the goings-on in his bedchamber with an odd detachment.
Did he love Fin? Yes. Oh yes. Was he scared? You bet. A Balrog could not have scared Erestor more than the tall, heavy figure of Glorfindel of Gondolin, whose body was resting heavily on Erestor's. Fin was strong - Erestor could feel the muscles under his hands, and if it came to a fight, he would stand no chance against the warrior.
Now wait a moment, Erestor chided himself, who is talking about a fight here? This was supposed to be the union of two souls, and this was a bed, not a battlefield! It was going too fast - Erestor had to tell Fin something the Elf needed to know before... well before...
"Glorfindel, please - stop it..." Erestor gasped. He tried to wriggle free of the warrior's embrace.
"Erestor... by all the Valar... do not tell me that you have changed your mind!" Glorfindel moaned, but he gave the black-haired Elf free, though reluctantly. Erestor retreated to the head of the bed, wrapped the bed cover around his lean figure and stared at Glorfindel with big eyes. Fin was taken aback - he had expected to see passion in Erestor's eyes, had hoped for love - but what he saw now was fear, panic even. He sat back on his heels, and looked at Erestor.
"Is there anything amiss, my love? Are you afraid? We do not have to do this now if you do not want to. I would be terribly frustrated and not sleep a wink out of unfulfilled desire, and yes, I would suffer horribly, but really - we do not have to."
It was a lame attempt at humour, and Glorfindel knew it. He was scared. Not only of being kicked out of Erestor's bed, but out of his heart as well. Had he misread the signs? Was the pace too fast? Had he done something wrong? He only knew that he wanted to see love in Erestor's eyes, not fear, but it was fear he saw, and he had put it there. Not a good start for a love affair.
"It is not that I do not want to, Fin, it is just… there is something I have to tell you…"
Here we go, Fin thought, now he is going to tell me that he sees me more as a friend than a lover, or that he is hopelessly in love with Elrond. And by Elbereth, now Erestor was even wringing his hands! Many things had happened in bedchambers all through the centuries while Fin had been present, some of them rather unusual, but hand-wringing had not been part of it!
"Erestor. Whatever it is, you can tell me," he tried to reassure the distraught advisor. "Former so-far-unmentioned wives, gambling debts, illegitimate children – you can tell me. I have been where you are."
Erestor huffed. "Wives? Gambling? CHILDREN? Fin – is there anything I need to know? No, do not answer this, it was a rhetorical question. See, it is very difficult to explain. There is something wrong with me."
Fin stared at his beloved, who was fiddling with the bedcover, and now he was really worried.
"Wrong? Are you ill? Shall I go and fetch Elrond?"
"NO! No, please do not, I beg you, Fin!"
"By everything you hold dear, Erestor – tell me. Whatever it is, I can take it. But I am not in the right mood to play riddles with you."
Erestor took a deep breath, fervently wishing he had a glass of wine now. Or a bottle. No, make that two.
"Fin – some… parts of me are – different. I do not look like other Elves."
There, he had said it. Not that Glorfindel had any idea what Erestor was talking about, but at least, he had said it. Whatever "it" might be. The warrior could tell from the anxious expression on Erestor's face that this admission had taken a lot of courage. He needed to be very careful and sensitive now - not two things he was an expert in!
"I know that you do not, Erestor. You are fairer than any other. But I do not think that this is what you are trying to tell me, is it? What part is different, Erestor? Please, trust me."
Another deep breath, then Erestor looked down at the bedcover, ignoring Glorfindel's outstretched hand.
"Those parts are different," he murmured, turning dark red. From the blushing Glorfindel could guess what "parts" Erestor was talking about. Well now – even more sensitivity was required then.
"'Those parts' being … those parts?" he asked, looking pointedly at Erestor's groin. The advisor blushed even more, and nodded silently.
"Ah."
Now this was definitely not the most intelligent thing one could have said in such a situation, but at least Fin had neither laughed nor fled the chamber, so Erestor found it a little easier to calm his erratic breathing. If only the blush would go away! What a ridiculous situation!
"Erestor – could you be a little more specific regarding the term 'different'? Are we talking 'different' in terms of 'smaller or larger than average' here, or more in the category of 'different different', which would be four testicles or anything of the like?"
Despite the gravity of the situation, Erestor had to smile, which was exactly what Fin had intended. The advisor relaxed visibly, and maybe they could get to the point now.
"We are talking about 'very different', Fin," he finally said, and risked looking directly at the warrior.
"'Very different' – so six testicles then. Worse things could happen. Erestor, as you obviously find it very difficult to talk about this, maybe it would be easier if I just had a look?"
"You mean – you want to see me fully naked?"
Erestor's eyes were wide like saucers, and Fin rolled his eyes.
"Yes, Erestor, that is what I mean. You and I are here in this bed, we love each other – at least I hope this is the case – and if I am to have my wicked way with you and your six testicles, it is mandatory that you take all of your clothes off. I am willing to take mine off as well, so we will be even."
Erestor nodded, but made no attempt to shed his clothes, so Glorfindel decided to take matters literally into his own hands and reached out to peel the frightened Elf out of his remaining garments. At first, Erestor shied back, but Glorfindel smiled reassuringly, and so he let the warrior proceed. Despite the passion Fin had displayed previously, he was now gentle, very careful not to scare Erestor. He distracted his lover with tiny kisses on every inch of exposed skin, and when his hands reached Erestor's leggings, it was rather obvious that his efforts were not without effect. Good – whatever the difference was, the functionality of Erestor's little advisor was not affected.
After a short while, Erestor lay naked and exposed to Glorfindel's view, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He just did not want to see the look of disgust on Glorfindel's face.
Glorfindel smiled. How often had he dreamt of this moment, when he would finally have Erestor all to himself, and preferably naked. Of course, in his fantasies, the advisor did not look as if he were about to be sacrificed to some sinister deity; his eyes were open and sparkling with love, not squeezed shut.
"May I just say, my dear Erestor, that you are a delight to watch. And if you would open your eyes now, I could appreciate your beauty even more."
Erestor opened one eye experimentally. When he saw that Fin was smiling, he opened the second as well, chewing his lip.
"That is much better. I will take a closer look now, if you do not mind," Fin said, and began to kiss his way down Erestor's body to his groin. Erestor did mind, very much actually, but on the other hand Glorfindel's lips on his skin felt too good to resist. And there was no way around this, anyway, so he might as well enjoy these few pleasurable moments.
Glorfindel was now comfortably snuggled against Erestor's hips, his head propped up on his elbow.
"Now what do we have here – a belly button. My dear advisor, if the only difference is that your belly button shows outwards, I think you are overreacting."
No answer came from above, so Fin pressed a kiss on the belly button in question and continued his exploration.
"Next: the advisorly penis – my compliments, dear Erestor. Well-shaped, fully functional, and now look at this! It fits perfectly in my hand!"
With that, he gave a few experimental strokes, and registered Erestor's gasps and moans with great satisfaction.
"I am most afraid that I have to kiss you good-bye now, my dear new friend, but be assured that I will dedicate my full attention to you soon." Fin licked off the few drops of liquid that had gathered on the tip of Erestor's erection. "Ewww," he said, and pulled a face. "Bitter and a little fishy - so nothing out of the ordinary there either. But I will get used to it."
Another lick, another moan from above. Fin nibbled, then he gently sucked, tickling the tiny opening with the tip of his tongue and pulling back just before Erestor was about to come, pressing a final kiss on the tip. "Do not leave without me - I will return later", Fin grinned, then rolled over, ending up on his front between Erestor's legs.
"Indeed – very different. Your left testicle is smaller than your right one, did you know that? But I assure you that this asymmetry is very charming. As a matter of fact I can confirm that this is the nicest pair of asymmetric testicles I have seen in my life, and I have seen quite a few of them."
Fin kissed the right one softly, then the left twice, probably to make up for the difference in size.
"Well now, Erestor, after examining the area in question, I can only say that you are lovely and desirable all over. So what, pray tell, is this enormous difference?"
Erestor shivered.
"Fin – there is something which should not be there…"
"I hope you are not referring to me now, Erestor," Glorfindel quipped, secretly relieved that Erestor was healthy, "for I would be…"
He broke off, for his gently stroking fingers had found the difference. Now this was – interesting. Erestor gasped when Fin hesitatingly touched the opening behind his testicles. He expected to hear a sound of disgust any moment now.
But it didn't come. Fin didn't scream, he didn't shout, he didn't call him a freak of nature – all of which had happened before with other lovers. Fin just touched.
"Erestor – this is most interesting. I hope I do not disappoint you by not throwing my arms up in horror. I admit, I have never seen such a thing, but then I have never had a creature as lovely as you in my bed either. Seems this is the night for firsts, then. May I ask, my beloved dark jewel, if this extra equipment is the result of an accident, or if you were born with it?"
Erestor didn't answer right away. Fin's reaction, so very different from what he had expected, took his breath away, and he was lost for words. Glorfindel kissed his way up to Erestor's neck, gently nipped at his throat, then took the advisor in his arms, cradling him to his chest. He pressed butterfly kisses on Erestor's temple and stroked his shoulders. After a while, he felt Erestor relax, and Erestor rubbed his face on Glorfindel's chest.
"It has always been like this. It never bothered me until I reached majority, and then – not all my lovers were as understanding as you are, Fin. Some were scared, others disgusted, but some, I have to say, also accepted me the way I was."
"I am glad to hear that you shared your bed not only with idiots," Fin grumbled, hugging Erestor even closer. "Does it hurt?"
Erestor shook his head.
"No, not at all. It is just – there, you know."
"I see."
Fin ran his hand down Erestor's hip, over his buttocks, and then touched the opening again.
"Does this hurt?" he asked, and again, Erestor shook his head.
"So what does it feel like?"
Erestor didn't answer right away. So far he had never allowed anybody to touch this part of his body, but with Glorfindel, it felt right. Right and – good. In an odd way.
"It is not unpleasant," he answered, "but I would prefer if you did not – do this."
Immediately, Glorfindel removed his hand, and kissed Erestor.
"Your wish is my command, my lovely one. In time we will find out what it is good for. And now please excuse me, your anatomy is too lovely to resist, and I feel a need to worship your body which cannot wait any longer. And in the meantime, try to locate the scented oil."
There was more than one thing Erestor wanted to say. He wanted to tell Glorfindel how grateful he was, that he had made him the happiest Elf on Arda, tell him that he was fair beyond measure and that Erestor would happily die for him if need be.
Alas, all he could do was whisper "I love you", but it did not matter – Glorfindel had heard him well.
* * *
Watching Námo eating held a strange fascination for Elrohir. The Vala - for so he still was to the Elf - nibbled on a fruit, then took a bite of cheese, went back to the fruit again and then tried the meat. Some of the combinations he ate made Elrohir's stomach turn, but Námo did not seem to mind. His face wore an expression of intense concentration; at times it looked as if he were studying the things he ate.
"You look almost as if you never ate before," Elrohir tried to joke.
"I have not. I never ate. It is not what we do."
"You - you never ate? Nothing? Not a single fruit? Never? But ... you ate an apple in my bedroom once, I saw you!"
Námo shrugged, inspecting a strawberry.
"You saw what I wanted you to see. I was not real. I do not know if I am real now."
He sniffed the fruit, then he licked it.
"Oh, this is nice."
Elrohir, for lack of any better comment, nodded.
"Yes, strawberries. My favourite fruit."
Námo nibbled on the fruit. It was almost overripe, very sweet, and its juice ran down his hand. Elrohir forced himself not to stare at the pink tip of Námo's tongue, which was difficult, as this incredible creature was now slowly licking up the juice from his hand.
"This tastes wonderful. I never thought eating would be such an amazing experience. You always seem to treat it more like an annoying necessity. But this is - joyful."
"Joyful... yes..." Elrohir croaked, and he was sure that the temperature in the room must have risen in the last minute. How else could it be explained that he felt so hot right now?
Námo reached out and offered the half-eaten fruit to Elrohir. After a moment of hesitation, the young Elf bit a small piece off. Red juice dripped down his chin, and before he could fetch a piece of cloth to wipe it off, Námo moved forward and licked the drop off.
Elrohir groaned. This was going too far - he was only an Elf, and this was a Vala, no matter what he looked like at the moment, and moreover, it was the Vala of Death. It was wrong, very wrong, to feel what he was feeling right now. Wrong on so many levels. Why was Námo doing this to him? Did he enjoy seeing him suffer and squirm? Or was this a test?
"You liked this," Námo stated, his face full of curious interest.
Elrohir moved away from the Vala.
"This is nothing you should do to a stranger," he said, trying to steady his voice, but failing.
Námo shook his head.
"But you are not a stranger, child. Have I not known you all your life? Ever since you and your brother were nothing but a vision in one of your mother's dreams? I was by your side when you two were alone in the woods, when there was no one between you and my Halls save this friendly Orcish creature which found a new home here. You are no stranger, Elrohir. Nobody knows you as well as I do, not your parents, not your brother, not your sister. And none of your lovers."
The thought of having Death as a constant companion was not one to cheer Elrohir's mood. Nor the image of Námo standing by his bed while he believed himself alone with a lover.
"Elrohir - do you really think the Vala of Death had no more urgent matters to attend to than watching a young Elf roll around in the hay with one of his father's advisors?"
"You know about that?" Elrohir squeaked, and he paled.
Námo grinned.
"I guessed. But as I said: I know you well. What is it that you have been looking for, child? In beds and haystacks and green meadows?"
Elrohir moved even further away. This was uncanny, and he wished he could just jump up and run away.
"Tell me, Elrohir: what is it that keeps you awake at night? What makes you watch your brother with envious eyes?"
The young Elf pressed his hands over his ears so as not to hear the cursed voice any longer.
"Leave me alone! This is none of your concern!"
"Oh, but it is. You are unhappy, young one. Lonely among those who have found their soul's counterpart. You are standing by the window and looking in on life, but you do not really participate. Because you do not love. It is the greatest gift of all, Elrohir, to love and be loved in return. It has been offered to you so often, but you never accepted."
"I am not listening."
"Your heart is full of love and kindness. Please, share this gift with me."
Elrohir felt Námo's hand on his neck, then he was pulled forcefully into a kiss which made his head spin.
Elrohir had kissed so often in his life, but never had he experienced anything comparable. This was not just a kiss - this was so much more. He had often laughed about books which told of lovers seeing stars while kissing, but now he really saw them, bright and sparkling. Elrohir felt how Námo peeled his old self off him like a worn-out robe - loneliness, jealousy and bitterness, all gone. His whole being was exposed to Námo, naked and pure, and the Vala took it, as gently as one would touch a bird. Elrohir pressed close to Námo, and he wished he could crawl under the other's skin, could be one with him, one mind.
"Do not be afraid to fall, my little one," Námo whispered, "I am here to catch you. Let go."
"Look, ada, uncle Elrohir is doing the kiss-thing with the other Elf!"
There was Elladan, looking all regal in robes and circlet, standing in the doorframe, Eldanar by his side, waving Tathar the toy dragon and giggling. Celeron the Healer looked over Elladan's shoulder, disgust plain to see on his face.
"Elrohir – please do tell me that I do not see what I see now," Elladan groaned.
Námo, not intimidated at all, licked Elrohir's ear and purred. Then he turned his attention to Elladan and frowned. All three Elves shied back from his gaze, feeling as if the other was looking at the bottom of their souls.
"Child – why do you want your brother to lie?"
* * *
"Here - eat this. It tastes awful, but it will give you strength."
Nonfindel passed a bowl of dubious smelling broth to Erestor. The advisor sniffed it, pulled a face, but began to eat nevertheless. It didn't taste that bad, after all, and he was hungry.
"You are not talking about your parts, I accept this. But maybe you can answer me another question, Erestor: Glorfindel is obviously under a spell - you were risking your life and the life of your child. How could you know that Glorfindel would not kill you?"
Erestor swallowed some of the broth. He thought about it for a moment, then he looked at Glorfindel, and his eyes never left the warrior while he answered.
"How I could know? The answer is simple, my friend: I could not."
* * *
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